am i such a girl? i feel that i dont know myself anymore.
do i bask in the attention? do i seek for this kind of cheap thrill?
i feel that im such a screwed up kid. mentally. i dont know anything anymore.
i never meant to be the third party, or to even come between you. everything i said, everything i did, i did it purely from what i viewed to be a friend's standpoint. every word i said, i said it for you to improve your relationship with him. you might hate me. you might blame me for coming into your life, for existing. im sorry too, for causing you the hurt and pain which i myself have experienced before. i know how it feels to have another person in the relationship, and the feeling really sucks.
but why not think about it? what you gathered from your sources, those claiming that they think we're a couple, or more than friends, do they really know what happened? how reliable are they anyway, when they only see us together sometimes in school. its not as if we hang out every break and lunch. i have my own friends too! i spend my time with them too!
and why dont you think about your role in your relationship with him? as a girlfriend, are you forever going to be so controlling and protectively jealous, barring him from making female friends? why the restriction? cant you trust him enough? if he really did liked me while being with you, then he's not even worthy of you in the first place. why do you even care about not leaving him and hurting him when he first forsake you? if he can like someone so easily while in a relationship, then some other girl in future might make him feel the same. are you going to lock him up forever?
i dont know. this is what i think, from all he has said. it might be biased. and i think he is at fault at times too. i really hope you work it out, because i can tell that the love between you two is strong. a relationship that can stand the test of time wont break down with the mere appearance of me. do takecare girl. you deserve whatever happiness you want. go for it if it makes you happy. i wish you the very best.
-peirong